Letter to Roo

Your gaze.

Perfect and pleasant.

Wish I could curl up next to you.

There's that smile and those bright blue eyes.

Quinn-a-Roo,

My sweeeet baby. I don't have the words to express how much I adore you. I feel like Heavenly Father sent me a very special child and I am so thankful he trusted me to raise you. I have many desires and wants in life, but nothing can compare to the amount I have in raising You,(Rooty-Toots) Miss Buggy and Sister Sue. Your smile brings such joy to all around you. Once your bright pink gums break through those slobbery red lips the feeling I feel is like this: When I was a kid I remember waking up and the birds were singing, I was still 'burrito wrapped' in my baby blankie, I could smell pancakes & bacon cooking, I could hear my Mom's voice, and I remembered it was Saturday morning. Cartoons! One day you will know that feeling. It's magic. At that moment nothing could be more perfect. That is how I feel in an instant when you smile at me. Our time together in the rocking chair as you eat your bottle or I sing to you before a nap is precious. I love how we play with each others fingers...yours are so soft and I don't mind that sometimes they are wet with your formula slobber. You gaze at me Roo...like you are trying to 'talk' to me. I gaze back..and I know you can 'hear' what I am saying. These moments I would love to seal in a jar and be able to open up and live again. No amount of money or possession I own is greater than the moments shared with you. I don't know if I ever told you before, but the first night in the hospital with you I started to hum a song and I didn't know what it was nor where it came from. I started to sing more and more of the song and once I got home I searched it out. It was "Close to You" by the Carpenters. That's 'our' song Roo! I sing it to you all the time, but especially when we rock. Just today I held you long after you had been soothed for your nap. I just couldn't let go. Couldn't hold you tight enough. I was smelling your skin and rubbing my nose along your soft little baby hair. Your warm little head where I rest my cheeks and just sit and feel your spirit fill me with warmth. Someday you will get a Cabbage Patch Doll and then you will know what you smell like. Mmmmm. Thanks for the snuggles every morning in bed. I feel like once you lay by me we turn into magnets. It's like we can't get close enough. I could lay with you all day Quinny. Know that no matter what happens in life that I love you with every inch of my being. I will always always be there for you and nothing you could do or say will change that. I don't know what I am doing Roo, but through prayer and the help of our extended family I am figuring out how to be a Mother. I wish I could promise that I will do everything right, but I won't. One day you will grow up and might have 'issues' with how your Daddy and I raised you. Please be understanding and forgiving. We truly are doing our best. The days are not long enough Rooty Toots. I could spend hours just 'talking' with you. I love to listen to your 'stories' they are a tid bit loud, but I LOVE them. If you 'Squak' everything you ever say for the rest of your life I will listen just as intently. Know too sweetie that your Daddy feels just the same as I do. I can feel him light up when he sees you. Sometimes when he holds you he grits his teeth together. Watch next time. Do you know why he does this? Because he just loves you so much that he is trying to hold back from squeezing the cuteness right out of you! I have to admit I do it to. I wonder Quinn Marie what your talents will be. Heavenly Father gave us all talents and abilities that we may use to help us and others. I am excited to see what you will do and accomplish in life. You amaze me already. Let me share a little part from 'our song':

"On the day that you were born the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true. So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair and golden starlight in your eyes of blue."

And all I want is to be close to you.

-mama